I know there were several downs. I remember missing Japan like crazy, having so much trouble adjusting with my parents, even now. And, the mess that happened with J and the drama with the office ladies at work.
However, regardless of this I believe this year was overall a good year. I am so happy that I worked hard to achieve my goal of living in Japan and it will soon be a reality.
I was able to do more shoots this year, which was what I wanted. Again, my parents not supporting my modeling hindered it but I'm still proud of the shoots I did and how much I've grown from when I first started modeling. And so blessed with talented photographers I worked with and will be working with.
I've met a lot of shit people, but I've also met some really great people who I genuinely care about. And that definitely outweighs the bad far more. I've made some good connections, and even when the thing with J turned sour I'm still grateful for what I have learned from the experience and how I was able to learn more about myself as a person because of it.
I've made some amazing memories this year. Going on a road trip with my younger sister, seeing Blink-182, Metal Night at the Observatory was amazing, probably one of my favorite nights. And a big highlight of the year was meeting my friend Thomas for the first time and hanging out. Things definitely became better with myself once I quit.
Some things I've learned during the year of 2015 and some advice for 2016:
Always trust your gut instinct. If you have a feeling, it is probably right. Do not ignore it. Give yourself more credit and trust yourself. Listen to that initial gut instinct and I promise you, you will be glad you did.
Some people are just shit, and unfortunately nothing can change that. It sucks, but some people are just petty and hateful. Some people don't need an excuse to be a horrible human being, they just are. So don't be so hung up over it, don't let it get to you, and just brush it off. They aren't worth it.
You are not stupid for trying to see the good in a person. It's unfortunate that being loving, trusting, and giving people the benefit of the doubt is seen as weak. It is not. For you to be able to give any bit of yourself to someone and trust them despite the chances of them being able to break you, is strong. But once you see the person for how they really are be strong enough to walk away. Whether it's a romantic relationship or a friendship, toxic relationships will eat you away.
Learn to value yourself more. I've said this before and I'll say it again, you're worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. Did you not learn this last year? Do not settle. I understand you have problems, everyone does. Your problems do not make you any less of a person and you still deserve the best that's for you. You're getting better, and it's great but my love, I promise you if you just loved yourself a bit more and put a bit more value on yourself, you'd be so much happier.
Do not be so hard on yourself. You're bound to make mistakes. Again, that doesn't mean you're any less of a person. Sometimes you will make stupid decisions, don't give yourself so much crap. Learn from it. And sometimes shitty things will happen and it has nothing to do with your actions. It doesn't always have to be your fault so let it go, and learn. You giving yourself so much shit doesn't do anything. You learning from it does.
I am confident that I'm going to make the most out of this upcoming year. Big changes are coming and I know it's going to be exciting but also hard. But I'm going to keep my head up and work hard to live the life I want and become more of the person I want to be.