Saturday, October 24, 2015

i've got thick skin & an elastic heart.

Photography by mmmtangerine

So my loves, needless to say, things didn't work out with J. He ended up being a possessive, insecure, lying asshole. I mean, we're still cool at work but dating wise, fuck that lol. 

It's funny because when things don't work out with guys the girl tends to put the blame on herself, wondering things like, "What did I do wrong?", "Was I not good enough?", "Maybe if I did this instead?"

At first I seriously thought that shit, and I wondered how I got myself into this shitty situation with a guy that lied for no reason other than just because he could. It was suppose to be easy and he made it complicated. He was the first guy that I liked in a while which was what bothered me the most. But there were so many red flags that I shouldn't have ignored.

It's been a cool minute since we've ended things, and I'm getting back into the groove of things. Trying to keep myself occupied and being focused on myself. 

Surprisingly, even though shit didn't end too well with J, I'm not as jaded as I was before. I'm just brushing it off and learning from it and actually being positive because there was nothing I could've done differently. I was up front and honest from beginning to end. I've realized I've come a long way.

I did a shoot today with @mmmtangerine, which made me feel amazing to be in my own skin. I'm constantly battling with myself, I am extremely insecure about my body, my face, everything. But I shoot to feel good about myself. Sometimes it's good to be reminded you don't need anyone's validation other than your own.

And I want it and I wanted it bad
But there were so many red flags
Now another one bites the dust
And let's be clear, I trust no one
You did not break me
I'm still fighting for peace

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