Sunday, September 13, 2015

Lack of color.

After work, I felt like doing something. Dressing up a bit and doing something chill. My friend Frosting wanted to do something too, so we debated to go somewhere. There was a chance I was going to hang out with J so it wasn't sure, but I owed Frosting for removing the tint off my windows for free after getting a lame ass fix-it ticket and I wanted to do something so we went to eat.

Frosting is a good listener, he's very mellow. He always listens to my shit, whether it's stuff with my family or how I'm feeling out of place in California. I chatted most of the time and he just listened. After dinner, J was still preoccupied so I decided I'd hang out with him another time.

I had some time to kill, so Frosting asked me if I wanted to go to the mountains. We ended up going to this place that reminded me of the place Derek took me before I left to Japan. It wasn't as pretty, but it was nice and secluded at the top of a mountain and you got a better view of the stars.

Several people had parked along the mountain; couples, friends, all chillin' and enjoying the view. Some smoking, walking around, cuddling, it was nice.

I have to admit though, since coming back from Japan when I look at views or look at stars I can't help but feel lonely. Frosting took me there to forget about my thoughts but instead they came rushing at me more than ever.

I am unhappy with where I am in life, and though I am working hard to get to where I want to be. It's discouraging at times and I'm not confident.

Athough it was something nice and something I love doing, unfortunately not even the night drive, the mountains, the city lights, and all the stars in the sky could take away the shitty feeling. We stayed there a bit, but not too long. And I headed back home listening to some Death Cab For Cutie and Bright Eyes.

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